Below are the most recent 9 friends' journal entries.

Thursday, December 24th, 2009
ed_recovery [ kiiara ]	7:39a	Question about recovery from anorexia with purging tendencies ( Cut Just In Case it's Triggering. ) (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 18th, 2009
ed_recovery [ reshields86 ]	9:33a	aimee mann "There is nothing that competes with habit; And I know it's neither deep nor tragic; It's simply that you have to have it" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
ed_recovery [ euphoric1dr ]	2:10a	a few questions hi all, i wonder if anyone else has similar struggles or has experienced the same, and could offer some advice. i tend to think of eating as very numeric, or quantitatively - in terms of my meals, i find i still 'count' the number of things i eat each day, or the number of times i eat each day, and that's hard to break away from. oddly enough i don't worry about calories, nor do i weigh myself habitually - but i DO seem to stress out and think too much about how many items i eat for example, in one meal, or how many times i eat during one day. can you all offer ideas/advice on how to break away from this? how to deal/cope with this? Is there even any such thing as eating too many times a day? I mean, I don't think it's even POSSIBLE to eat like, 20 times a day right? I don't know...sorry if this is sounding confusing...but I notice I'm scared about / worried about eating too many times, this is why I allow myself to be hungrier during the day and then at night its a problem as I'm much too hungry by then. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
ed_recovery [ brain_opera ]	9:54p	Dreading Christmas and something has kicked me off again Hello chaps. I am really scared of Christmas. I've gained weight this year due to some contraception and I am trying, very hard, to not care. I have suffered from bulimia for almost ten years, now. I've never been in treatment for it though have been in treatment for BDD. It comes and goes- it was hardcore for a year or so, then I revert back for periods, not intentionally, just, it seems, when I am stressed or depressed. I am stressed about things and I am hating my body with a passion. I am stressed about stupid stuff and I hope you don't mind me venting about it here. I am stressed about Christmas and all the food. I want to be normal, I want to be healthy and I have been trying but I can see my belly, I know I am medically overweight, it scares me. My boyfriend kissed me yesterday and smelled the sick. My heart almost froze. I have these lies I tell him and he sees right through them. I feel like my ugly and fat appearance makes me a kind of jester and fool. And stupidly (really stupidly, I am aware of this), I am jealous of my ex's new girlfriend. My ex and his girlfriend are both brilliant people, but she is so slim, so utterly beautiful that I wonder if people are laughing at me, laughing at how fat and ugly and mad I am, how lucky he is not to be with me anymore, how I didn't deserve him or anyone else in the first place. I seem to have lost a lot of friends this year and it has made me question my entire worth. I feel worthless a lot of the time. I know that is irrational and ridiculous but it's how I feel. My boyfriend cooks for me. Healthy, nutritious stuff- partly to get me to eat. I don't want to go back to the miserable life of throwing up. I am slipping back into it. I keep feeling like a total fraud because I am medically overweight. I wasn't until recently. I feel like nobody would believe me if I asked for help, and that i'm not that bad anyway. I am just scared and I don't want to feel like this anymore. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 17th, 2009
ed_recovery [ reshields86 ]	1:20a	"Skinny" Anyone read the book "Skinny" by Ibi Kaslik? I just finished it and I found some of it triggering but for the most part I found it a little "out there". While I have a very severe eating disorder, the girl in the book seemed to be struggling with something almost schizophrenic. However, this may just be a thought I'm having because I don't have a person in my head I talk to? I've heard of that and I understand that. This girl's "person" materialized though. Like she could see her and describe her clothes and would touch her and stuff. Has anyone else experienced this in their eating disorder or is this part of the fictional aspects of the book to make it more "real" Current Mood: blah (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 15th, 2009
ed_recovery [ belljar76 ]	5:26p	beyond scared--please help i am planning on going to walden behavioral's residential program starting jan 1 and am scared beyond words. i did their inpatient program about 4+ years ago and only lasted a week and a few days (didn't have a terrible time with the food thing but my depression got the better of me and i cried pretty much every day i was there. being dropped off there brought up some abandonment/separation anxiety issues i had as a kid, a huge contributor to my developing anorexia in the first place. the thing is, i have "lived" with this illness for 17 years and am scared that they won't be able to help me (my therapist, of all people, even mentioned this as a possibility- i've since stopped seeing her for the meanwhile, so i have had a terrible time dealing with the prospect of this treatment lately). anyone been in the residential program and can ease my mind a bit? tell me what a typical day is like? i am also a very picky eater (don't even eat salads...curiously enough, my diet consists of a lot of "no-no" foods for your typical anorexic). what will make this treatment even more difficult for me is the fact that i am a grad student in psychology and wrote a dissertation on how these programs fail clients. i am so trying to keep an open mind...but need some help. Current Mood: scared (2 Comments |Comment on this)
tenpoundsamonth [ azukra ]	12:38a	Hiya Hiya, I'm new here :3 Gender: Female Age: 18 Height: 5ft 4 Current Weight: 180lb Goal Weight: 110lb Picture(s): No pictures. An Interesting Fact About You: I have CED, n hoping that by losing weight I will slowly regain control of it n "recover" and become healthy, thin, and beautiful. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 13th, 2009
ed_recovery [ bitter_sweet82 ]	8:01a	Recovery without treatment I am so sick of being sick. I'm sick of wasting my life worrying about food and weight. I want to live a happy life and look forward to everything life has to bring. Right now I am always thinking about food and weight, I am always obsessing over eating disorder websites, I have no energy to do anything. I know my career is suffering and I have shut out my friends. They know something is wrong, but they don't know what it is. I want to recover, but no one knows there is even a problem. Is it possible to recover without treatment of any kind? I found the Eating disorder Anonymous website and thought about working through their 12 step program. I'm just afraid that I will go right back to the ed behaviors and thinking after one day; if it even lasts that long. I always feel like I really want to recover and then something will go wrong or even nothing goes wrong, but I just change my mind set back to "I need to starve, I need to binge and I need to purge." I think I am going to start working through the 12 steps and see what happens. It can't hurt, right? Has anyone else ever recovered without reaching out for help? Has anyone ever gone to an EDA meeting or done the 12 steps on their website? Current Mood: hopeful (13 Comments |Comment on this)
ed_recovery [ bittersweetme3 ]	6:17p	Has anyone read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle? I just finished it and it was a really inspiring book. I have been in recovery from anorexia for almost two years and I felt like that book addressed a lot of the issues that are underlying in eating disorders. If you haven't read it I suggest you check it out. (5 Comments |Comment on this)